Tourist English

From AuthorSuite Travel Journal                                   

Outside a fuel station in Lagos

Google image

For many travelers, holiday fun doesn't end with the summer. The Fall is also a great season for vacation. So, whether you had a summer or a Fall vacation, now that you are back the question is: did you pick up something special during your travels, like souvenirs, foreign currency, or photos? Well, I picked up a non-tangible collectible which I'll call #TouristEnglish. You see, people in non-English speaking countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists.

Fall Reflection: Cincinnati Spring Grove Cemetery& Arboretum

Now, as part of the #AuthorSuite #HumorWeek, I'm sharing here a list of hilarious signs and expressions seen around the world: 

The Coliseum, Rome (Google image)

At a laundry in Rome:  LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. 

At a doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. 

Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.  

A giraffe at Nairobi National Park (Google image)

In a Nairobi restaurant:  CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

A sign outside a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

A sign on the hand dryer in a restroom: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

                                                                

A news item in an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Mt. Fuji with fall colors in Japan (Google image)

Instruction on using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel service flyer, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

St Moscow, Basil’s Cathedral (Google image)

Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER ON FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: 

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Google image

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Elephant-Parade, Thailand (Google image)

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Hotel room notice, Chiang Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Bangkok, Thailand (Google image)

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. 

Google image

Tourist agency, Czech Republic: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH

EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

Hotel, Bosnia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

*** Do you have holiday stories to tell? Send it to: #AuthorSuiteStories

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Goodreads Review Group Hop

5th Birthday Giveaway!

      September 22nd - September 29th 2017     

•✼*̩̩̩̥ ୨୧⑅*♡ Review Group 5th Birthday Facebook/Goodreads Hop ♡*⑅୨୧*̩̩̩̥✼• Do you love books as much as we do? Fantastic! Because we’re bringing the party to you! You can never have too many books!

The Goodreads Review Group is the biggest peer review group on Goodreads and helps indie authors get non-reciprocal, 100% honest reviews for their work. To celebrate the group's 5th anniversary, we are organizing a Facebook/Goodreads hop during which you'll meet a variety of authors offering 20+ books and much more.

Join the hop on Facebook

     

                                                          Join the hop on Goodreads                                                           

As part of the hop, Augustine Sam is offering:

1) A $10 Amazon Gift Card

2) Two ebooks: Flashes of Emotion & Black Gold 

For a chance to win: 

Like his Facebook page/Follow him on twitter. And tell him where to send your prize + your preferred ebook format ('cos you may be the winner) by sending a message here

A Winner will be chosen at random after the hop ends.

   

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The Irony of Aung San Suu Kyi

The general impression now is that in Aung San Suu Kyi, the world mistook a craving for power for a genuine struggle for equal rights and democracy.

Until recently, Aung San Suu Kyi, winner of the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize for “her non-violent struggle for democracy and human rights,” was a national hero in Burma (now Myanmar) and an international icon. Admired around the world, she was often likened to such moral giants as Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. Born in 1945 in Rangoon (now Yangon), the largest city in Myanmar, she studied at international schools in the city until her mother was appointed an ambassador to India when she was 15 and the family moved to Delhi. In 1964, she won a place at Oxford to study PPE where she met her future husband, Michael Aris, a British academic.

John Kerry & Aung San Suu Kyi

Before their marriage, Aung San Suu Kyi was said to have warned Aris that one day she might take up politics. “I made him promise that if there was ever a time I had to go back to my country, he would not stand in my way,” she was reported to have told New York Times. “And he promised.” That time came in 1988 when her mother’s illness (following a stroke) coincided with political upheavals in the country accompanied by protests against the military dictatorship. 

Family Foto

Aung San Suu Kyi, on returning to Myanmar to be at her mother’s bedside, was persuaded to join the opposition movement by activists who hoped to harness the power of her family name. Her husband and sons (then aged 11 and 15) later went to Yangon to discuss whether she should enter politics, a discussion they knew would have a significant impact on the family. Her decision to stay back in Myanmar and participate in the political process effectively put her family second and her country first, and didn’t change even as her husband battled cancer alone in 1999, which left her young sons to struggle after his death.

In August 1989, Aung San Suu Kyi delivered her first speech to a euphoric
reception. She co-founded the National League for Democracy and was jailed that summer. Two years later, she won the Nobel Peace Prize. No matter, her persecution by the military junta continued, and their decades-long standoff made her arguably the most famous political prisoner in the world while the junta became an international pariah. 

From The Lady, a film starring Michelle Yeoh

Responding to years of house arrest by playing piano and taking up meditation, her calmness endeared her to many around the world. She only broke down when a rare call with her dying husband was cut off. But her perseverance fed the legend that saw her life made into a film, The Lady, starring Michelle Yeoh and pushed the isolated military regime to make concessions.

Michelle Yeoh as Aung San Suu Kyi in The Lady

Aung San Suu Kyi was finally released from house arrest in 2010, and two years later, allowed to contest a by-election which she won. Free to leave Myanmar at last, she traveled overseas to collect the awards that had stacked up during her years of detention. Delivering her Nobel lecture two decades after being awarded the prize, she dwelt on the “great sufferings” addressed in Buddhist theology, saying: “I thought of prisoners and refugees, of migrant workers and victims of human trafficking, of that great mass of uprooted of the earth who have been torn away from their homes, parted from families and friends, forced to live out their lives among strangers who are not always welcoming.”

Rohingya Muslim Minorities

But since taking power, Aung San Suu Kyi has shocked many by her awful lack of concern for continued abuses against the Rohingya Muslim minority perpetrated by a government of which she is now a part which UN officials have described as “ethnic cleansing.”  

The woman who was introduced by John Bercow (Speaker of the British House of Commons) as “the conscience of a country and the heroine of humanity,” has become an enthusiastic apologist for the military’s abuses of human rights in a country she almost gave her life for. A shocked Archbishop Desmond Tutu told her in a letter, “If the political price of your ascension to the highest office in Myanmar is your silence, the price is surely too steep.” 

"If the political price of your ascension to the highest office in Myanmar is your silence, the price is surely too steep.” pic.twitter.com/20wb0jZj91

— The Guardian (@guardian) September 8, 2017

But Aung San Suu Kyi is not silent, not anymore. In a surprise outburst reported by the BBC, she described reports of the abuse as “Fake News,” which, ironically underscores her own words in Freedom From Fear (her most famous work): “It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it.”   

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Freedom of Speech & Charlie Hebdo

“I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.” 

- #Quote

Not many people outside France knew about the existence of satirical French magazine, Charlie Hebdo, before January 2015 when two gunmen who claimed allegiance to Al-Qaeda stormed the offices of the publication and killed 12 people including the editor and the magazine’s star cartoonists. The killing provoked outrage across the world, and in France, hundreds of thousands of people marched through the streets in defense of the right to free speech. On the radio, television, and in newspapers, supporters of freedom of speech/freedom of the press—from Italy to the US—adopted the now famous slogan and logo, “Je Suis Charlie” (I am Charlie), created by French art director Joachim Roncin, and rose in condemnation of the killers for their intolerance of free speech.

But last year, in the aftermath of the deadly Italian earthquake, not many people held the same view when the magazine ridiculed Italy’s collapsed houses by likening them to pizzas and suggesting they were built by the mafia. No matter, the magazine, it seemed, continued to test the limits of people’s defense of free speech. In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Manchester during an Ariana Grande concert last June, it published a cover featuring a decapitated British Prime Minister, Theresa May, with a header, “Multiculturalism, English style.”

This week, the publication is at it again. Its latest cover depicts Texans who drowned in the flood waters caused by the tropical storm, Harvey, as Nazis. The banner headline, “God Exists! He Drowned All the Neo-Nazis of Texas,” seems to be the magazine’s take on the ongoing White Supremacy debate in the United States, apparently ridiculing Texas for voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential elections seeing as he has been criticized for failing to condemn the neo-nazis and white supremacists during a riot in Charlottesville that killed one protester.

This latest cover has sparked controversy in the US, generating angry reactions on social media. In France, former minister of Agriculture and Socialist MP, Stéphane Le Foll, called it “extremely dangerous.” 



But a few others have wondered why there is so much outrage regarding this particular cover. Some even ask if the satirical cover was more controversial than remarks made by conservative commentator, Ann Coulter which suggested that Hurricane Harvey may well be God’s punishment for Houston’s election of a lesbian mayor.  

Whatever your position on the matter, Charlie Hebdo thrives on satire. The publication, rightly or wrongly, goes out of its way to provoke angry reactions from its targets. Over the years, its cartoons have catapulted it into international headlines and caused outrage especially in the Islamic world, with some calling for its editors to be killed. More than that, it has brought to the front burner a debate on the freedom of speech. Is it acceptable for defenders of the right to free speech to decide, on the basis of particular targets, whether to say “Je Suis Charlie” or “Damn you, Charlie Hebdo?” The other question, though, is: How far is too far? Or, is there such a thing as a limit to freedom of expression?

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”  

- S.G. Tallentyre 

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”  

- George Orwell

“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” 

- George Washington

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Political Tantrums & Media Hysteria

Something is happening in the U. S. that should alarm you, and it’s not Donald Trump.

Many believe, rightly or wrongly, that the mainstream media in the U.S. have been unwittingly complicit in the political fortunes of Donald Trump—from their obsessive coverage of his oddball campaign in the 2016 presidential elections and their nitpicking of his outlandish pronouncements to their hysteria over his unexpected victory. Reporting or criticizing Trump, without a doubt, has been the media's money-maker for about a year now. In fact, since Trump's inauguration in January, his political tantrums and the media’s hysteria over them have "stolen the show" again and again in the United States. 

Jamie Raskin (D)

It all came to a head, or so it seemed, on the weekend of the Fourth of July—America’s Independence day—when the 25^th Amendment hashtag began to trend on Twitter. Many users, seemingly ‘inspired’ by Jamie Raskin, a Democratic congressman’s plan to introduce a bill to establish an oversight commission on presidential capacity, tweeted their reasons, logical and illogical, why Trump should be removed from office, using the #25AmendmentNow hashtag. This came after a week of heightened Twitter feud between the president and the media which culminated in a video tweet of Trump beating up a CNN logo, posted by Trump.

#FraudNewsCNN #FNN pic.twitter.com/WYUnHjjUjg

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 2, 2017

Trump / Pence

As with everything Trump does, the video generated widespread attention, with the media, of course, considering it a solicitation for violence against the press. Sadly, events like this have happened over and over again since January and the media have continually revised the definition of ‘new low’ for Trump. Observers say this hysteria is precisely what propelled Donald Trump to political stardom in the first place.

The media, by dwelling on every little, sometimes irrelevant, tweet or conduct of the president, merely magnifies them, thereby offering Trump the distraction he needs from some of his pressing nightmares. A case in point, they argue is the ‘overzealous’ practices of CNN, which Trump repeatedly calls Fake News. Until recently, the network took a near insane pleasure hosting Kellyanne Conway, a Trump adviser, interviewing her and then criticizing her for providing “Alternative Facts,” only to host her again and again. CNN recently stunned itself by publishing on its website and then retracting a damaging story about Trump, with a resultant resignation of three of its journalists.

Trump rally

Beyond the hysteria, the media, lured with the bait of Trump’s political tantrums, are refusing to pay heed to one important factor—Trump’s unwavering support base. It is worth noticing that in spite of everything, including a low approval rating according to polls, which, in the past, have proved to be unreliable, the anti-Trump hysteria doesn’t seem to reflect the mood of a large part of the country. 

Obama

It hasn’t turned GOP voters away from their party in the by-elections held this year. And the Democratic Party, which has been methodically stripped of power since 2008 are still unable to tip the political pendulum back in the other direction despite Trump’s ‘unraveling.’ According to Townhall, even with hefty financial  investments and high-profile Democrats lending star power to state-level candidates, the GOP has won control of every district they previously held across multiple states that Democrats have won in the last three or more presidential elections. The most prominent, of course, was the House special election in Georgia, which was largely seen as a referendum on Trump. That too went to the Republicans.

What’s more, for a supposedly reviled president, Trump’s tweeted video of his fight with the CNN logo, at the time of writing this, got 520k ‘likes,’ 315k retweets, and 137k replies. Why is this important? Well, it's important because democracy is a game of numbers and Trump seems to have the support he needs in terms of numbers. Now, even if he is unfit to be president as critics say, the fact that he still enjoys wide support indicates the problem is no longer Donald Trump as a person, but the people who are standing by him, no matter what. There! The "no matter what" is where the problem lies because America had values or at least told the world it had values. In fact, over the years, it has consistently discarded candidates who fell short of those values. Yet, Trump has rubbished them all but continues to enjoy the support of many. This is a man who looks Americans in the eye and lies about everything and for some reason, his backers choose to ignore the values they once pretended to hold dear, even at the risk of being exposed as hypocrites.

Trump supporters

Contrary to suggestions that it was just the vote of the Alt-Right that put Trump in the White House, it was, in fact, the vote of ordinary Americans who did not know, until Trump came on the scene, that they were closeted racists who hated Mexicans (even the ones to whom they were married) and needed a wall to keep them out, that they approved of white cops killing unarmed black men and getting away with it, that Russians are actually friends not foes, and that conspiracy theories could be facts if they served your purpose.  

There’s a saying: “If someone fools you once, he is a fool; if he fools you twice, you are the fool.” So, in my view, Trump is not, and cannot be the problem since people, knowing the truth about him, continue to choose, in good conscience, to stand by him and give his rants a standing ovation. Rants which have nothing to do with making America great again, whatever that means.  

I have a theory about his unwavering support. And it's quite simple: Trump backers (and they are many) are those who have chosen to endure whatever nightmare policy he offers, including losing their healthcare, rather than give Democrats a victory of any kind lest it crosses their mind to put another black man in the White House. 

Yes, it's about race. And yes, it was sparked by muted anger over Obama's presidency. This unwavering support for Trump which seems to defy logic is rooted in the fear of "white extinction," masked by a fanatical love of country that'll, unfortunately, lead to a diminished American influence in the world. So, for once, let's call a spade a spade because something is happening in the United States that should alarm you, and it isn’t Donald Trump. 

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Literary Rejections

“If the book is true, it will find an audience that is meant to read it.”

- Wally Lamb

Sometimes Traditional Publishers Get It Woefully Wrong 

Traditionally, publishing—the activity of making literature and information available to the public—refers to the distribution of printed works, which, until the eBook revolution, made publishers the veritable gatekeepers of writers’ careers. Over the years, many publishers (and even literary agents), placed in a position to play god, made and broke literary careers through the most poisonous weapon in the book publishing industry: rejection letters. How times have changed! These days, rejection slips no longer have a sting. In fact, many writers neither have the time to bother with them nor feel a need to write query letters in the first place.

The advent of electronic publishing has not only empowered writers to assume control of their work, it has also effectively robbed publishers of the power of monopoly. Today, an author can make his/her work available to the public as an e-book or as a paperback or even as a hardcover book (by way of print-on-demand technology) with the ease of a bird in flight. It is called self-publishing. And, while the author bears the cost of editing, cover design, and promotion, s/he benefits enormously from the process—complete control of the work, full profit from book sales, and incontestable freedom to determine release date, format, cover price, et al. And it goes without saying that rejection slips from publishers and/or literary agents are no longer the bane of writers’ careers. Interestingly, even some traditionally published authors have begun to go ‘the indie way.’  

There is no doubt, though, that for writers still seeking to publish their work the traditional way, rejection letters remain a concern, partially because publishers, even literary agents, at times make poor judgments, mistaking potential best-selling books for manuscripts with no literary merit. While the most magnanimous of rejection letters exhort writers not to be discouraged, some have been cruel and utterly inexplicable. For example, when John le Carre sent the manuscript of his debut novel, The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, he was rejected and told “he hasn’t got any future.” Rudyard Kipling was told in one rejection letter that he “doesn’t know how to use the English language.” James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room was called “hopelessly bad,” and Richard Bach was rejected by 18 publishers who thought a book about seagull was ridiculous.

Another case in point is William Faulkner’s book, Sanctuary, which was rejected and called “unpublishable.” The novelist and literary critic, Malcolm Cowley, was said to have told Faulkner once in a letter, “In the publishing circles your name is mud. They are all convinced your books won’t ever sell.” But it wasn’t the last time publishers would consider a great book “unpublishable and unsaleable.” Jack Kerouac’s On The Road was described as “Frenetic and scrambled prose” and rejected by several publishers. As it turned out, they got it wrong. More than 50 years after its original publication, the book is still read, taught, and assigned in high schools and colleges all over the U.S., selling 100,000 copies each year in the United States and Canada and published in 32 foreign countries.

The fate of Ursula K. Le Guin wasn’t much different. Her 1969 science fiction novel, The Left Hand of Darkness, was rejected with these observations: “Ursula K. Le Guin writes extremely well, but I'm sorry to have to say that on the basis of that one highly distinguishing quality alone I cannot make you an offer for the novel. The book is so endlessly complicated by details of reference and information, the interim legends become so much of a nuisance despite their relevance, that the very action of the story seems to be to become hopelessly bogged down and the book, eventually, unreadable.” In spite of this observation, the book became immensely popular and established Le Guin’s status as a major author of science fiction.

Ten Famous Books Rejected By Publishers

Now many writers are fed up with the short-sightedness of publishers and literary agents. Though some know they may not achieve the much-desired success in today’s publishing market which is saturated with books of different kinds, they prefer to self-publish rather than endure the humiliation of rejection by publishers/literary agents whose narrow view of the industry makes them unqualified gatekeepers.

A good example of this new approach to publishing is Marie Force, a romance best-selling author, who took the leap and became a beacon of hope to many indie authors. In a 2015 blog post by Ruth Harris, an industry insider, Force was quoted as saying: “Every romance publisher in the business rejected Maid for Love (book 1 in the McCarthy Series). I am thankful for every one of them now because if even one of those NO votes had been a YES, I’d still be working for someone else and wishing for the career I have now.”   

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