Is English a crazy language?

#Humor - The Paradox of English

“NEVER MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS BROKEN ENGLISH. IT MEANS THEY KNOW ANOTHER LANGUAGE.”   

-   H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Rudyard Kipling

Rudyard Kipling, who, in 1907 was the first English-language writer, and at the age of 42, the youngest recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature, was said to have been fired as a reporter for the San Francisco Examiner. His termination letter was reported to have said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language. This isn’t a kindergarten for amateur writers.” 

Now, while there is no corroborative record of this event, it nonetheless sounds crazy to hear that an English journalist and Nobel laureate was actually fired for improper use of English. Hilarious? Yes. Crazy? Maybe, but certainly not as far-fetched an incident as it might seem, after all publishers get it embarrassingly wrong some of the time. 

In one of his most enduring quotes, Kipling was recorded as saying, “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”

Interesting? Now, here are the top 20 reasons why the English language is so difficult to learn:   

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Well, isn’t it funny that there is no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger? There’s neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. Native speakers take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Now, here’s a quick question: If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. How about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit “start.”

Hilarious Quotes:

• “In my sentences I go where no man has gone before… I am a boon to the English Language.”  - George W. Bush                     

•  “Drawing on my fine command of the English Language, I said nothing.” - Robert Benchley                          

•   “England and America are two countries separated by a common Language.”  - George Bernard Shaw                                                                 

•   “The English language has a deceptive air of simplicity; so have some little frocks, but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine.” - Dorothy L. Sayers                                              

•   “English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.” - Unknown Author  

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The Danger of Populism

Willful Ignorance 

& 

The Danger of Populism

Politics is like sex. It fills people with euphoria, expectancy, and a shallow, reckless acquiescence that’s akin to madness. It uses a combination of lies, conspiracy theories, fear-mongering, and outlandish promises that can’t be kept to woo voters. It does so with unrelenting hypocrisy, and nothing demonstrates it better than the political position widely known as populism. Yet, as has been demonstrated again and again, the reality of governance always contradicts the lofty stated principles that encapsulate many a campaign rhetoric. Still, virtuous citizens, citing disappointment with mainstream politics, repeatedly fall prey to charlatans—the so-called advocates of the common people, counterfeit revolutionaries, and the phony heroes—who claim to be populists.

Beppe Grillo

In February 2013, following the disastrous tenure of Mario Monti, an austerity-obsessed bureaucrat, as interim Prime Minister of Italy, the people were so disappointed with politicians and politics that they turned to a comedian named Beppe Grillo. As founder of the anti-establishment Five Star Movement, Grillo had previously organized what he called V-Day celebration (the “V” stood for vaffanculo, which means “fuck you!” or “fuck off!” or “go fuck yourself!”), effectively establishing himself as a quintessential populist, the man to rescue virtuous citizens from the money-dominated hypocrisy that politics in the country had become. Not surprisingly, the anti-establishment feeling in the country catapulted him to third place in the 2013 election. But once in parliament, rather than put the old dogs to shame with a populist agenda, the elected officials of the Five Star Movement began their tenure with a bitter and well-publicized fight over the amount they were entitled to as allowances, etc.

Alexis Tsipras

In January 2015, Alexis Tsipras of Greece, riding the wave of anti-austerity feelings in his country, led his party, Syriza, to victory in a snap legislative election. His campaign promise was to end austerity. Once in government, he faced a different reality – if he needed bailout funds from the European Union, he had to implement austerity measures because, in the world we live in, who pays the piper dictates the tune. It became increasingly clear that a refusal to accept the bailout terms would lead to Greece’s exit from the single European currency, or Grexit. Tsipras had two options: accept the terms of the bailout and apologize to his people for his inability to save them from further hardship or refuse the bailout terms and lead Greece out of the union into uncharted territories. Tsipras did neither. He called a referendum instead, insisting he wanted the people to decide whether to accept the terms of the bailout or not. As far as populism goes, he was on the verge of making history. He actively campaigned for a “No” vote and the people voted accordingly. But barely hours after the referendum, Tsipras dropped his anti-bailout finance minister, Yanis Varoufakis, ignored the people’s vote, and accepted the terms of the bailout, plunging his country into the darkness he had come to deliver them from.  

In Britain, Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independent Party, UKIP, promised the people

Nigel Farage

that if they voted to leave the European Union, the £350m that his country pays to the EU weekly would be used to bolster the National Health Service. No one asked him how he planned to do that seeing as he was neither in government nor in any position to guarantee it. Well, as it turned out, the UK voted 52 – 48 to leave the EU. The morning after, just like bad sex, Farage denied that he had made the promise.

Basking in his victory, Farage went to the European parliament and insulted everyone in the most hypocritical rant of the Brexit drama. In spite of the victory of the Leave campaign, he and all UKIP MPs still maintain their seats in the European parliament, many say because he wants to continue to receive the €16m that EU taxpayers give his party every year. Interestingly, for all his anti-EU stance, Farage is clearly one of the major beneficiaries of the European Union.

What’s worse, some of the people who voted to leave the EU regretted it the morning after,

again, like bad sex. In a piece published on Quartz.com, Marcie Bianco said, “Voters’ confusion about the consequences of their actions is indicative of a larger trend. Civic-mindedness in the digital age increasingly seems to rely less on reason or facts and more on passion. In the case of Brexit, people voted emotionally. Many voters were fueled by a xenophobic nationalism reflective of a larger, global uptick in nationalist movements worldwide – including Trumpism in the US.”

Some of those who later regretted voting to leave the EU said they did not know their votes could make a difference. That, on one hand, is as idiotic as it sounds. On the other hand, it seems that in the era of social media, people’s minds are conditioned to irrational words or posts that can be edited or deleted in the name of freedom of speech. But in real life, unlike the artificial world of social media, irrational words and actions have consequences. They can’t always be edited or deleted at will, and therein lies the danger of populism. Unfortunately, freedom of expression, like the late Umberto Eco (author of The Name of the Rose), once said, has become the “Invasion of fools.”

According to him, “Social media gives the right to free speech to a lot of idiots who, in the past, only aired their views at a bar after one glass too many, which, of course, caused no real damage to the collectivity…But with social media, they are put on the same pedestal as Nobel laureates. In the past, the television had uplifted the village idiot with the impression that the viewer was superior. Now, the nightmare scenario of the internet is that social media has elevated the village idiot to the status of truth bearer.”     

The veracity of his claim was demonstrated in The New York Times with a report, which explained that activities on pro-Brexit Facebook pages—more than 11 million likes, shares, and comments—exceeded the engagement on pro-Remain pages. Likewise on Twitter, the Times’ John Herrman, citing analytics firm Talkwalker, said there was “a substantial lead in leave-related hashtags over remain-related hashtags in May, suggesting there was more discussion on the ‘leave’ side.”

And in an article entitled, “The science of why people insist on making idiotic choices,” Professor Andre Spicer of Cass Business School, City University London, wrote, “In the UK, we have seen a broad consensus of economics experts warning that a vote to leave Europe would be disastrous, but the majority voted to leave anyway.” He offered the following explanation, “To find the real reason people seem to disregard the views of experts about important matters, we need to look at how we process information. In The Stupidity Paradox, a recent work I completed with Mats Alvesson, we asked why, in a world of increasingly smart people, we so frequently end up making incredibly stupid decisions. One reason is our inbuilt cognitive biases. We often make quick decisions about complex issues on the basis of our past beliefs or even chance associations. After we have made these decisions—which often happen in a matter of milliseconds—we start the laborious process of proving ourselves right. We seek information which justifies decisions already made.”

The Brexit vote, not surprisingly, has convulsed UK politics. Even before Boris Johnson—

Boris Johnson

leader of the leave vote—was stabbed in the back (some might say, good riddance!), his political star did not look bright anyway. A comment in the Guardian newspaper summed it all up nicely: “Perhaps many Brexiters do not realize it yet, but they have actually lost... Throughout the campaign, David Cameron had repeatedly said that a vote for leave would lead to triggering Article 50 straight away... but, in the midst of the sentimental nautical references of his speech yesterday, he quietly abandoned that position and handed the responsibility over to his successor. As the day wore on, the enormity of that step started to sink in: the markets, Sterling, Scotland, the Irish border, the Gibraltar border, the frontier of Calais, the need to continue compliance with all EU regulations for a free market, re-issuing passports, Brits abroad, EU citizens in Britain, the mountain of legislation to be torn up and rewritten ... the list grew and grew.”

Boris Johnson & British PM David Cameron

Continuing, the commentator said, “The referendum result is not binding. It is advisory. Parliament is not bound to commit itself in that same direction. The Conservative party election that Cameron triggered will now have one question looming over it: will you, if elected as party leader, trigger the notice under Article 50? Boris Johnson knew this... If he runs for leadership of the party, and then fails to follow through on triggering Article 50, then he is finished. If he does not run and effectively abandons the field, then he is finished. If he runs, wins and pulls the UK out of the EU, then it will all be over - Scotland will break away, there will be upheaval in Ireland, a recession ... broken trade agreements. Then he is also finished...”

Donald Trump

Populism, like cancer, is something evil that spreads destructively. The examples of Italy and Greece cited above explain it all. Now too, the UK has begun to reap the fruit of its willful ignorance. In the US, where the Trump madness has stunned many, perhaps no observation is more apt than the words of Winston Churchill, “Americans will always try to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else.”  

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Literature & Political Correctness

Gone are the days when literature was bold, honest, and witty, with a take-no-prisoner approach to storytelling. 

Now political correctness has taken hold of the society in such a way that any straight, tell-it-as-it-is piece of writing risks offending the sensibilities of many.

Some people actually believe that the term “Politically correct” is about being right. Unfortunately, that’s a bit of a misnomer. When the term was first conceptualized and made popular during the 1970s and the 1980s, it was about being respectful and considerate. In simple terms, being “Politically correct” meant making an effort to avoid expressions that deliberately excluded, marginalized, or offended a particular group of people. The same should still be true today. 

But it appears as if the more “Politically correct” society becomes, the more people’s sensibilities burgeon. Such sensibilities have now permeated the field of literature, where some, including students, have even demanded a kind of trigger warning on books that may have a negative impact on the reader.

In 2014, Kathleen Parker wrote a piece in the Indy Star, in which she indicated that some schools (like Oberlin College, Rutgers University, George Washington University and the University of Michigan) were already considering the question of “trigger warnings” on books and syllabuses. Citing this example: “Warning: This book includes a rape scene,” aimed at warning rape victims less they be traumatized by the contents, she wondered if it isn’t more sensible for students to Google a book in advance of reading if they’re so fearful of a psychological crisis.

Some authors consider trigger warnings on books an exaggeration because even in films, while the Motion Picture Association of America provides film ratings (like G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17) to advise about content so that moviegoers can make informed choices for themselves and for their children, trigger warnings are caveats some reviewers feel inclined to issue. They often do so based on their personal convictions to prevent people who have an excessive emotional response to certain subjects from encountering them unaware.

Books, on the other hand, should have neither a ratings system nor a trigger warning, authors say, though many publishers, on their sole discretion, choose to indicate heat levels for novels with sexual contents on their websites, not on the books. They say it is all right for a book reviewer to issue a spoiler alert to inform the reader that the review may reveal critical points that ruin the story, the same way a movie reviewer may issue an NSFW (acronym for ‘Not Suitable for Work’) alert to indicate that the material is not suitable for the work environment.

But “Political correctness” should not ride on the back of exaggerated sensibilities to stifle literature. This does not mean, however, that “Political correctness” does not serve an important purpose. While being “Political correct” helps promote equality by demonstrating an understanding that all people, regardless of race, culture, religion, gender, or sexual orientation, are valuable to society, forcing literature to walk on eggshells amounts to smothering creativity. As Ralph Ellison said in Invisible Man, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in the face of certain defeat.”

Powerful literary quotes 

[with a tell-it-as-it-is approach to creativity]

“Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other.”

   - John Steinbeck [Of Mice & Men, 1937]

              

“Terror made me cruel.”

    - Emily Brontë [Wuthering Heights, 1847]

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

            - Jack Kerouac [On the Road, 1957]

“We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories.”

            - Margaret Atwood [The Handmaid’s Tale, 1985]

Jack Kerouac

“It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning.”

            - H.G. Wells [The Time Machine, 1895]

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”

            - Charlotte Brontë [Jane Eyre, 1847]

“You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget.”

            - Cormac McCarthy [The Road, 2006]

“We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand, and it is no good moving from place to place to save things; because the shadow always follows. Choose a place where you won't do harm - yes, choose a place where you won't do very much harm, and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine.”

            - E.M. Forster [A Room with a View, 1908]

“And meanwhile time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like shit.”

       - Martin Amis [London Fields, 1989]

“History, Stephen said, is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.”

       - James Joyce [Ulysses, 1922]

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”

            - Nathaniel Hawthorne [The Scarlet Letter, 1850]

“Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

            - Oscar Wilde [The Picture Of Dorian Gray, 1890]

“No one forgets the truth; they just get better at lying.”

  - Richard Yates [Revolutionary Road, 1961]

“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.”

  - Philip K. Dick [Valis, 1981]

“Perhaps it was freedom itself that choked her.”

  - Patricia Highsmith [The Price of Salt, 1952]

“The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves.”

     - V.S. Naipaul [In a Free State, 1971]

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”

      - Stephen King [Different Seasons, 1982]

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Book Readers Review

FLASHES OF EMOTION 

Book Blurb:
Flashes of Emotion is a book of romantic poetry with a classical edge but feels current in its raw energy. Both timely & timeless, it allows the reader to tap into the poet's insights on a wide variety of topics from life and love to death and drudgery, highlighting a lively, refreshing, and innovative style. A 'must have' for anyone who has ever experienced love, pain, defeat, or joy...

Review

Reviewed by Lit Amri for Readers' Favorite

Flashes of Emotion is romantic poetry that looks into a vast array of subjects: love, pain, death and other life matters that evoke our sentiments. Having read Sam's previous work, Take Back the Memory, I was curious to get to know him as a poet. I wasn't disappointed. His poems are written in a vivid and refreshing style. This makes the collection easy to relate to even by the casual readers of poetry like me. The compilation is pleasurable to read and to reread. Sam knows how to put across emotions and thoughts, and they resonate from every poem. 

Book Readers Review

Flashes of Emotion is a book of poems written to reflect life, love, death, pain, joy and many kinds of emotion.  The author is eloquent and has a subtle use of language.  The poems are reasonably short and easy to read conveying meanings that may be interpreted by the reader.  It is definitely a book of poems to be savored and returned to on many occasions. 

Augustine has captured the essence of an emotion and relayed this in beautiful language.  If you are a poetry lover you will cherish this book and experience.  I have read most of the poems twice and still marvel at the range of feelings elicited by these wonderful words.

The author provided me with a copy in return for an unbiased review.  My rating is a five plus stars and recommend those who love poetry to have a copy in their library.  If you are not a frequent reader of poetry Augustine’s poems will change your view. This is a rare collection. 

From the Author

"Literature must be relevant to its times. It must be both timely and timeless. It must resonate with the people and the period in which it is set, and contribute to the discourse, political or otherwise, as well as put events in their proper historical and social contexts."

Augustine Sam [poet]

About the author:    
Augustine Sam is a bilingual journalist and an award-winning poet. A member of the U.K. Chartered Institute of Journalists, his poems have been published in two international anthologies: The Sounds of Silence & Measures of the Heart. One of his poems, Anguish & Passion, was adjudged winner of the Editors' Choice Awards in the North America Open Poetry contest, USA.
This collection of poems was the 2015 International Book Award Finalist. Augustine is also the author of Take Back the Memory, a contemporary women's fiction & The Conspiracy of Silence, a mystery/thriller. The first part of his mystery trilogy is expected to be published later this year.

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The N-Word Controversy

At the White House Correspondents' Association dinner

THE HISTORICAL & CULTURAL DIVIDE BETWEEN  NIGGER/NIGGA 

Long before the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday, April 30 in which the host, Larry Wilmore was said to have broken a taboo, many hypocrites and polemicists were, and remain, fascinated with the controversy over the use of the N-word. That fascination, interestingly, stems from, and thrives on ignorance. No matter, it was not surprising that Wilmore’s n-word quip stoked concerns about possible implications of such usage, particularly in reference to the first black president of the United States.

Piers Morgan

Not one to pass up a chance to wade into a controversy so tempting and so contemporary, especially when baited by a tweet that said, “Piers Morgan’s next troll piece just wrote itself,” the British polemicist came out swinging in a Daily Mail opinion piece. “By calling the first black president of the United States a ‘n***er’ on national TV, Larry Wilmore let down Barack Obama, and himself, and only guaranteed one thing: its longevity,” he wrote.

To make the point, Piers Morgan quoted Wilmore’s quip (or what he believed was Wilmore’s quip): “Yo, Barry, you did it my n***er!”

He was wrong and this is why. Aside from the hypocrisy of hiding behind three asterisks, it is important to understand that when black people, specifically black Americans, use the so-called n-word, they do not say “nigger” even if it sounds that way, they say “nigga” and there is a huge difference between the two.

Wilmore explained the usage and context of the word on his show, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, as follows:

“[Morgan] quoted me as saying ‘Yo, Barry, you did it my n***er.’ Now hold on, are you saying that I called the president a n***er? Ok, that’s horrible. I would never do that. ‘N***er’ is what white people use to denigrate, demean and dehumanize black people and ‘n***a’ is a term of endearment some black people use between each other to take back that power.”

In his Daily Mail piece, Morgan alluded to the fact that Wilmore’s quip was a publicity stunt. “Wilmore’s a smart guy who knew exactly what he was doing,” he wrote. “He was center stage on national TV at an event attended by many of the most powerful people in America, and watched by millions around the world. He planned that N-word quip to Obama very precisely because he knew it would spark an instant twitter firestorm and get him global media attention.”

Piers Morgan, of course, knows a thing or two about courting controversy for relevance—from Susan Sarandon’s cleavage to Kim Kardashian’s nude selfie to netting a petition for deportation (signed by over 100,000 people) for expressing his opinion on American gun issues louder than Americans.

Richard Pryor

To buttress his argument against the use of the N-word, he quoted the late black comedian, Richard Pryor, who dramatically changed his view of the N-word after a visit to Africa. Morgan wrote, “He [Pryor] explained to Ebony magazine: ‘While I was there [Africa], something inside of me said, “Look around you Richard. What do you see?” I saw people. African people. I didn’t see any ‘n***ers.’ I didn’t see any there because there are no ‘n***ers’ in Africa. Can you imagine going out into the bush and walking up to a Masai and saying, ‘Hey n***er. Come here!’ You couldn’t do that. There are no ‘n***ers’ here in America either. We black people are not ‘n***ers’, and I will forever refuse to be one. I’m free of that, it’s out of my head. I realized that terms like ‘n***er’ and the word ‘bitch’ that so many black men call our women, are tricks, like genocide on the brain.’”

Great quote, except that Piers Morgan missed one interesting point - until he went to Africa, Pryor always saw black people with the eyes of whites. In Africa, and for the first time, he saw black people for who they really are: humans, short and simple, not the way many whites see them: black first, then humans, maybe.

With that sudden awareness, Pryor decided that he'd start seeing blacks with his own eyes, not with the eyes of those who see them from a position of superiority; so, in the statement Morgan quoted above, Pryor was liberating himself of the demeaning slur ‘nigger,’ not the black term of endearment ‘nigga.’

Larry Wilmore

Now, Larry Wilmore, in an interview with Fresh Air, a radio show distributed by NPR, told Terry Gross that while acknowledging that using the N-word might upset some people, his intention was to recognize and honor Obama’s significance as the first black president. “What Obama means to me as a black person, and to many black [people], really is hard to quantify,” he said. “...I wanted to take the opportunity to turn that [word] upside down and to use it in the way that we’ve used it inside the community...as that show of affection that only we can understand.”

Though President Obama said through press secretary Josh Earnest that “he appreciated the spirit of the sentiments that Mr. Wilmore expressed,” some people still make a big deal of it. Gregory Clay, in an opinion piece in the Dallas Morning News, said that Larry Wilmore’s n-word liberation was Richard Pryor’s imprisonment. He then wondered what would happen if Paul Ryan uttered the n-word as a speaker at the annual spring dinner. That, in the first place, is an ignorant argument because Paul Ryan, being white, does not understand the difference between ‘nigger’ and ‘nigga’ and even if he does, he possesses not the cultural experience and/or sentiment that impels one black man to refer endearingly to another as ‘my nigga.’   

President Obama & Larry Wilmore

It seems that many critics, in pontificating on the inappropriateness of the n-word, lack an insight into the cultural significance of the word as used by those who understand that the context in which ‘nigga’ is used cannot, and should not, be confused with the hurtful context in which the word ‘nigger’ is used. People do not necessarily have to use and/or create controversies around race-based expressions or ethnic slangs that have a cultural import of which they are not equipped to understand. 

Every race, after-all, deals with its history its own way. And should be free to do so on its terms.   

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